Gospel
Our Nations Largest Predator….
Hello Natural Energy Lab devotees. Allow me to introduce myself as many of you do not know who I am yet. My name is Lauren and I am the newest member of the Natural Energy Lab family. Thank you, congregation for the warm welcome as I am not only new to NEL, but also to the great city of Los Angeles. Although it is always a surprise when a young woman from the Mid West who fancies herself an actress migrates to California, I made this unusual decision, moved back into my parents’ basement, and saved every last waitressing penny.
Then, five long months ago I packed up my newly purchased 1999 Mitsubishi Gallant with all my earthly possessions, my boyfriend, my cool ranch Doritos, and, most importantly, my shoes and made the grueling 30 hour trek from Chicago to Los Angeles.
This drive, for those of you who have never made it, is a journey through a barren plateau of dust, snow, corn, and Denny’s. We tried listening to books on tape, but after 3 hours, Tom Robbins’ witty banter began to sound like a language akin to Klingon.
We played 20 questions but found it difficult to agree on a category. (For some reason he could never guess characters from Gilmore Girls and I had a hard time with X-men characters that weren’t in the movies or the popular Saturday morning cartoon).
It appeared we were doomed to drive forever in silence when suddenly, we were saved! What happened you ask? ARIZONA! America came up from the depths of flat lands and provided the most scenic landscape either of us had ever seen. Red mountains, white snow caps and blue skies! AMERICA! As we drove, refreshed by the land, we started talking about the predators that roam this land. Rattle snakes, coyotes, NRA members, and panthers…wait panthers? Are there panthers in North America? Yes of course, but no cougars. Really? I thought there were cougars in the mid-west. No, no those are Pumas. Wait Pumas? I thought those were only in the south. So are Mountain Lions, but they’re bigger…..
WHAT? What are all these animals? What is the difference? How can we not know the distinction between the most notorious of the North American Predators? CRISIS!!!!!
So, instead of looking this up immediately online like a sane person, I decided I would make it my mission to do some field research. I would ask every Californian I met what the difference is between a cougar, a puma, a panther, and a mountain lion is.
I have to say, after five months of research that on one knows. It is agreed upon by all that these animals are completely different than each other. One is the biggest, one is the fastest, one is the deadliest, and one is “from the south” (or “from Florida” depending on the person).
What is the answer? You’ll have to wait ‘till next month. Amen brother and sister Amen! |